A Different World
You are astounded when you see so many cows. You need to know this ;here is a cow farm. I started to understand that I thought much more beautiful while Iwas walking around. Here was very enjoyeble for mei, that day.
I always remember that day when I
see a cow. I saw so many cows in there. There was a lot of big, bigger, biggest small smaller smallest cowsin there. All of them were independent from each other except for cows which had family. Greennes places were very suitable for these animals. Cows were nourished very good by farmers.There were a lot of sweet calves and was running their mothers’ behind. Some cows was lying under the big trees and they ruminated as if they had gum in their mouths. Farm affairs was being this in throughout day and soon all of cows entered big shed in rows in evenings.
This farm was very beautiful. I was both very enjoyed and very pleased to see this farm, and also I learned a lort of things about cows.
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Esmehan,
YanıtlaSilYou improved the essay to some extent but yet this is not enough. If you read the carefully you can easily spot some more errors. See these below and rewrite the essay:
"A Different World
You are astounded when you see so many cows. ???You need to know (that) this ???;here is a cow farm. ???I started to understand that ???I thought much more beautiful while Iwas walking around (the shed). Here (it) was very enjoy??eble for me??i, that day.
I always remember that day when I
see a cow. I saw so many cows in there. There (were) was a lot of big, bigger, biggest small smaller smallest cows ?in there. All of them were independent from each other except for cows which had family. Greennes places were very suitable for these animals. Cows were nourished very (well)good by farmers.There were a lot of sweet calves ???and was?? running (after) their mothers??’ behind??. Some cows ???was lying under the big trees and they ruminated as if they had gum in their mouths. Farm affairs ???was being this in throughout day and soon all of cows entered (the) big shed in rows in evenings.
This farm was very beautiful. I ???was?? both ??very enjoyed and (was)very pleased to see this farm, and also I learned a ???lort of things about cows."
Esme,
YanıtlaSilThis is much better but it still needs improvement. Introduction needs to be written more clearly and in later paragraphs there are some grammatical and word choice errrors. Some sentences are still unclear or awkward. See the parantheses. Rewrite it.
You wrote:
"A Different World
You are astounded when you see so many cows. You need to know this ;here is a cow farm. I started to understand that I thought much more beautiful(ly) while Iwas walking around. Here??? was very enjoyeble for me(i), that day.
I always remember that day when I
see a cow. I saw so many cows in there. There was(were) a lot of big, bigger, biggest small smaller smallest cowsin there. All of them were independent from each other except for cows which had family. Greennes(??) places were very suitable for these animals. Cows were nourished very (well)good by farmers.There were a lot of sweet calves and was(were) running (after) their mothers’??? behind. Some cows (were)was lying under the big trees and they ruminated as if they had gum in their mouths. Farm affairs was(were) being this in throughout day and soon all of cows entered big shed in rows in evenings.(weak sentence)
This farm was very beautiful. I was both very enjoyed and very pleased to see this farm, and also I learned a lort(??) of things about cows."