A Different World
You are astounded when you see so many cows. It isn’t diffucult to understand here is a cow farm. I tought much more beautifulwhile I was walking around the shed. Here it was very enjoyable for me, that day.
I always remember that day whenever Isee a cow. I saw so many cows at every age in there. Some cows were small and mischievous. At the same time some cows were big and also peaceful. All of them were independent from each other except for cows which had a family. Some cows were lying under the big trees and they ruminated as if they had gum in their mouths. There were a lot of sweet calves and they were running after their mothers. In addition, grenness was very suitable for these animals both eating and sleeping. Cows were nourished very well by farmers even if sometimes this work is very tiring for them. Farm affairs were being this in throughthout day and soon all of cows entered the big shed in rows in the evenings.
This farm was very beautiful. I was both very enjoyed and very pleased to see this farm and also I learned some things about cows.
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Hi esme,
YanıtlaSilThesis statement can be longer and more effective.You should use longer descriptive sentences instead of short and simple ones.Conclusion is also weak.Thanks for writing again and again:)
You found a very different topic for your essay and I read it intentionally.I like animals very much, too.Especially the sentence(Some cows were lying under the big trees and they ruminated as if they had gum in their mouths.) affected me.(It's well-described and funny.) However you should have explained the place and time.Because I couldn't understand the words here, that time...(we should be careful in introduction part because we have to introduce the main characters to the readers) As Sonay said before,you can rewrite the thesis stement more effective.
YanıtlaSilhi esmem,
YanıtlaSilyour essay is effective but ıf you add some more informatıon it will be more effective.your thesis statement is short and must be rewriten.apart from some mistake and unproper sentences it is good you can use more effective sentences to attract reader 's attention.ı realized some mistakes for example
Cows were nourished very well by farmers
even if sometimes this work is very tiring for them.-cows are nourished.
throughthout day -throughout the day
in the evenings-you used in the evenings with past tense but it refers sıple present tense.that is all thanks for your writing.