A Different World
You are astounded when you see so many cows. You need know this;here is cow farm. I was very surprised when I saw this large farm. I started to understand that I thought much more beautiful, while Iwas walking around. Here was very enjoyable for me, that day.
I always remember that day when I see a cow. I saw uncountable cows in there. There were a lot of big, biggest, small, smallest cows in farm. All of them were independent each other except for cows which had family. Greennes places were very suitable these animals. Cows were nourished very goodly every day by farmers. There were a lot of sweet calves and they ran their mothers’ behind. Some cows lied under the big trees and they ruminated as if they had gum their mouthes. Farm was passing this throughout day and evenigs all of cows entered in the big shed in rows.
Here was beautiful like heaven. Both I was very enjoyed and I was very pleased to see this farm, and also I learned a lot of things about cows.
Hi Esme,
YanıtlaSilI wrote your essay.I think your essay's topic very interesting.But your body paragraph's first sentence is wrong i thing because your other sentences is past tense but this sentence present tense. But I like your essay so much.:))))))
hi esmehan : ) honey descriptive essay you wrote is so good...descriptive words and sentences is so important and you used them very well.maybe you can use the more.conclusion is Ok.I hope you will write more beatiful tthan this...
YanıtlaSilsee you :)
Dear Esmehan,
YanıtlaSilYou've tried your best to write this essay but it has many weaknesses in terms of grammar, vocabulary and sentence structure.
Can you please consider these points indicated below when your rewrite this essay?
"You are astounded when you see so many cows. You need /to/ know this;here is /a/ cow farm. I was very surprised when I saw this large farm. I started to understand that /I thought much more beautiful/, while I was walking around. /Here/ was very enjoyable for me, that day.
I always remember that day when I see a cow. I saw /uncountable/ cows in there. There were a lot of /big, biggest, small, smallest/ cows in farm. All of them were independent /from/ each other except for cows which had family. Greennes places were very suitable /for/ these animals. Cows were nourished very ?goodly? every day by farmers. There were a lot of sweet calves and ?they ran their mothers’ behind?. Some cows ?lied? under the big trees and they ruminated as if they had gum /in/ their mouth?es. ?F?arm was passing this throughout day and evenigs all of cows entered in the big shed in rows.?
Here / /was beautiful like heaven. /Both/ I was very enjoyed and I was very pleased to see this farm, and also I learned a lot of things about cows."
hi esme,
YanıtlaSilYou should improve your writing.there are mistakes such as "very goodly"=>you should write "well"..Some sentence structures should be improved..see you later ..kiss you..
hi Esme,
YanıtlaSilI like your hook and you try to tie the first paragraph with second.It is good but as ıt is said,there are grammatical errors in it.some tenses,some prepositions...